Shadows and Substance

This morning I was blessed to spend some much needed time in the Word. You see, I haven't been super consistent when it comes to spending time with Jesus which is just not okay because He should be my everything. Anyways, this morning I spent that much needed time with Him and I thought I would share what He showed me.

I read in Jude, and to be honest it was because I didn't have a place where I was really reading in (due to the lack of consistency) but when I asked The Lord this morning to show me what He wants me to hear He was definitely faithful to do it!! 

The first part of Jude talks about being on guard for people who are in the church that are not teaching the truth. Then the last part is a charge for people in the church who are striving after The Lord. 

Verses 20 and 21 are as follows: 

"But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting anxiously for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to eternal life." 

These sweet, encouraging verses are extremely convicting to me this morning. It's Christmas time and we are so anxious to receive gifts or even anxious to see family we do not normally get to spend an extended amount of time with, but how often are we so anxious for the great merciful gift that Jesus Christ would let us experience eternal life?? How many times do I even THINK about this gift, much less am ANXIOUS for it? Ridiculous. We all know the whole point of Christmas is not gifts, but sometimes we may think it is all about love and getting to spend time with family. This is not the point! The point is CHRIST! He came down to earth that we might be saved to live forever with Him, worshipping Him with extreme joy. I just don't know how often I am anxious for this to happen. I get so caught up in even the good things in life like spending time with family or loved ones. 

The point is Christ. The point is that we need to be anxiously awaiting His return. The point is He is the only way we can ever have hope for salvation. The point is He is worthy to be praise and glorified. I pray we will all remember this as the Christmas season is in full force. Do not confuse the shadow for the substance. 

Poem for MommaAnn

Tall, Tall Green Tree

“Look up and see”, she said.

“See the tall, tall green tree”, she said.

We three little pups looked up to see,

What a beautiful tree it was indeed.

“Take a picture”, she said.

“Take a picture in your sweet little minds”, she said.

We three little pups took a picture.

We took a picture in our minds.

“If you really try to”, she said.

“If you really try to, you will always remember that picture”, she said.

We three little pups really remembered,

Remembered the tall, tall green tree in front of the bluest sky.

“I’m going to see Jesus”, she said.

“One day I am going to see Jesus, will you come with me?” she said.

Now we three little pups are going to see Jesus.

But we are now going to see her too.

“Look for me”, she said.

“Look for me in the flower, in the bluest sky and in sunshine”, she said.

We three little pups still see her in the prettiest flower,

The bluest sky, and the brightest sunshine.

Because we know she will always be with us in some way,

In a song,

In laughter,

In playfulness,

In a smile,

In generosity,

In the color yellow,

In a tall green tree,

In the bluest sky,

In the prettiest flower.

Healing the sick, sinful, and guilty

I am currently reading through the Bible this year (as probably a lot of you out there are doing too) and it is seriously crazy good. Something I have been trying to do is see Jesus in everything I read...Old Testament and all. Let's just say, He's everywhere. Literally. 

So while reading in Genesis this past week I read that Isaac was old and thought he was dying so he asked his eldest son, Esau, to go out, hunt some game and cook his favorite meal before he died and then he would bless Esau. Rebekah overheard her husband saying all these things and told her son Jacob to go out to the flock, get a goat, and she would cook it for Isaac so that Jacob would receive the blessing and not Esau. They put together this elaborate scheme to deceive Isaac which included putting on fur on his hands so he would be mistaken as being hairy like his brother Esau. The plan worked. Isaac blessed Jacob saying he would be very great. People would serve him, and nations bow down to him. He would be lord over his brothers. He even went so far as to say "cursed be everyone who curses you, and blessed be everyone who blesses you!"

It doesn't take a genius to guess what happened next....Esau came back from hunting and cooked his father a delicious meal. He went into where his father was and expected to get a blessing in return. Which would've been great....except that Isaac had just blessed Jacob. Bummer Esau...

Ok, I have heard this story so many times growing up...I guess I was just caught up in the fur or something but it has never hit me like this before. I was trying to put myself into Jacob's shoes. The guilt I would feel during the deception and after it would have been so great. But God knew what was going on!! And it fact, it was in His plan all along for that to happen. He knew that JESUS was in the lineage of JACOB, not Esau. I need to remember that His plan will NOT be thwarted. Not even when we sin and deceive...or even have guilt about what we did. He is BIGGER than our sin, BIGGER than our deception, BIGGER that our guilt! 

This story is such a beautiful picture of grace and salvation. Sometimes all we can think about is doing what our sinfulness is screaming out for us to do. God still works through it. Always. However, this doesn't mean we should continue in our sinful ways (Romans 6:1)..it simply means that He SAVES the SINNERS! He came to HEAL the SICK! 

As a last side note, I wanted to point out that in Isaac's blessing he told Jacob nations would bow down to him. Now I'm no expert commentator, but I can't help but remember the verse in Romans 14:11 that says from every tribe and nation every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is LORD. The blessing is a foreshadow of Jesus to come in his line! Now that's providence people...

Center.

Well it's been quite a while since I wrote my last blog. So much has happened...I don't think I could even begin to talk about all God has done. Praise Him for doing all of it though! 


That being said, recently God has been showing me that this life really is not about me or what I want. This may sound very basic...kind of like a church answer that everyone should know. But head knowledge and actually believing/living something out are two extremely different things. 


It is so easy for me to tell God He can live in the rooms of my heart where it is "comfortable" for Him to be in, but when He wants to move into the other rooms that I have hidden and locked the doors to, it gets sticky. It perplexes me why I so often keep the door locked even when I know I need to let Him in to invade so I can become more like Jesus. He is GOD. He KNOWS my future. What can I hide from Him? It's not like I can change His plan by holding onto something in my life. But for some reason it is so difficult for me to truly let go of something and entrust it to Him, especially when I am hurting and confused. 


One thing Jesus has been breaking the wall down of is my adamant hold on doing what I want with my life. I think God can use me wherever I end up, but it's whether I am being MOST effective where I am or not. (My thoughts are somewhat jumbled, so I apologize if this doesn't come out clearly.) I know that God has me where I am right now to do what He has me to do- and that is to let Jesus shine through me in every way. But when the earthquake hit Turkey, I once again was hit with the overwhelming truth that probably most of the people who died did not know Jesus. They are dead. And they do not know Jesus. What? How did God let that happen? Why didn't He allow it to happen over here in America where most people have at least heard about Jesus? These were the thoughts running through my head when I first heard the news. I know tragic things like this happen all the time, but it just hit me so hard that week. But I was reminded by God that He is STILL good and STILL faithful and I may not understand why He allowed it to happen, but I know that whatever happens is or will bringing Him GLORY. That is what it is all about anyways- His glory.


Still contemplating these thoughts, I was drawn back to why I am here on this earth. It is not to get an education and live a comfortable life with "my prince charming" and raise kids in a white-picket fenced house and take them to church and teach them to be "good little kids". I'm not saying any of these things are bad (...maybe with the exception of the comfortable life), but if my focus is not on JESUS all the time and in every situation, then what is the point of my life? Am I living to please man or Christ? If I am trying to please man I am not a servant of God. The point of life is to GO spread the GOOD NEWS that JESUS has DIED and He is RISEN! We can be washed clean! But how can people believe if they have never heard of Jesus? And how do they hear except someone telling them about Him? My assumption is that we have heard all the verses about how we need to "go" and "preach to the uttermost parts of the earth" but so many times (myself included) we think that is for the "missionaries" and the people who are "called by God to do that sort of thing". Except for one thing....God didn't say "Oh hey, maybe if you want to, it would be cool if SOME of you Christ-followers would go tell people everywhere about me." NO! He said, "Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:19-20) It's not a fluffy thing. It's a commandment. If you are a follower of Christ...Go. Everywhere. Preaching His Gospel. And He will be with us (so comforting by the way!).


So.....been really convicted of that. Because in my mind I'm often thinking, "Well God, what about what I want? Ever since I was a little girl I desired to find my 'prince charming' and live happily ever after...why can't I just do that FIRST and then go follow you?" We all have our "I'll follow you Jesus, but first let me...(fill in the blank)." But Jesus says, "No one who puts a hand on the plow and looks back is fit for the service of the kingdom of God." Can you say CONVICTING?? It truly is not about what I want for my life. Because my life is dead and it's Christ's life that is living in me! His plan HAS to come first to truly love Him and really conform to what He looks like. 


Ok so what now? Yes, when people look at me I want them to see Jesus shining through me and nothing else. Yes, I do not want any part of me or my sinful flesh to exist anymore. No, I do not want to see any more people die without even hearing the name of Jesus and what He has done for us. But what is the next step? Do I drop out of school to go somewhere where I can be telling people of the hope Jesus gives? Do I stay and "get an education" that is supposedly so important? Honestly, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. 


I was praying during the worship this past Sunday at Sunnybrook. And this is very stupid of me to do, but I was praying about what I'm supposed to do and I asked God to give me a "sign"...to either pick up everything and go or stay. I know that I am supposed to go, but I do not know when or if my "going" is here in Stillwater because there are plenty of people here who do not know Jesus. The next song that they sang was "Center". If you've never heard it, it goes, "You're the center of the universe, everything was made in You, Jesus. Breath of every living thing, everyone was made for You...CHRIST be the CENTER of our lives, be the place we FIX OUR EYES. BE THE CENTER OF OUR LIVES....We lift our eyes to heaven, we wrap our lives around YOUR life." I laughed...and cried......God was showing me that I don't have to know exactly what to do right at this very moment. He was reminding me all I have to do is fix my focus on Him and wrap my life and everything I do to His life and what He did. He is CENTER. When He is center, I don't have to see where He is leading me because HE sees! Even if it's blurry to me right now, I know He is guiding my every step. In Isaiah 30:21 it says, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'" Wow. So encouraging!! He will never leave me to figure out what I'm supposed to do. He opens doors and he closes doors. I just need to be looking to Him and LISTENING to the Holy Spirit's guidance as to what I am to do in THIS moment. 


Sorry this is a forever long blog. This has just been heavy on me.  
God bless and love you all! 

Faithful.

"If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself."                  {2 Timothy 2:13}

Have you ever had one of those moments where you feel so disgusted with yourself for not speaking up and telling someone about Jesus? I have. Today. It was pitiful.  


While I was reading my Bible at Barnes and Noble, a woman walked over to me and started talking. I could not understand her due to her thick accent and asked her to repeat herself again. This woman was from "Islan" (don't know what she meant by that...) and she was asking if I would write on some cards for her because she does not know how to write in English very well. I was happy to help her! Apparently, she used to live in Oklahoma a few years ago before her husband passed away. She came back to visit his grave cite and was staying with one of her husbands close friend for three weeks. Her plans were cut short, however, when she found out about "an emergency" concerning family back home. She has to return home a week early this Friday, much to her displeasure. She was the sweetest thing and was so funny! She insisted on paying me for "being an angel" by helping her. I did not want to take her money, but she would not leave without me taking it. I wished her a good and safe trip home, shook her hand, and she went on her way.


The ironic thing about all of this is earlier on my way to Barnes and Noble, I prayed that I would get a chance to speak to someone about the Gospel. I felt God saying "you are probably going to have to GO speak to someone..." and I, in my utter laziness, prayed that it would be super great if He just caused someone to just come up to me (I'm ridiculous...I know). I quickly prayed again...."scratch that........that was stupid and I'm so sorry that I am so lazy sometimes." I sat at that Barnes and Noble for a few hours reading my Bible, journaling, and praying. I half-way did not expect anything to happen today, but a woman, who I have no idea if she has even heard the name of Jesus, walked right up to me. What a PERFECT opportunity to share Jesus!!! Did I take it? No. I was so nervous that I would upset her (Jesus tends to stir things up a bit--which...I'm thankful for) that I just did not say a thing to her about the most precious thing in my life- Jesus. I could not seem to figure out a way to bring it up without it being "weird". I'm a coward. 


God is so faithful. He even answered by LAZY PRAYER by causing a woman to come to ME! How ridiculous am I that I cannot speak to a woman who I will probably never meet again?? He is faithful even when I am faithless. Why couldn't I have just said "can I share something with you?" It's that simple! I know we all mess up, but for some reason this one really hit me. I do not know this woman and I could not tell you if she is saved or not, but I have been praying for sweet Estie all day that one day her eyes will be open to the Gospel and Jesus Christ who saves. 


It seems I have to learn things the hard way to really understand what God wants me to know. God is faithful even when I am faithless. I praise Him that I cannot mess up His plan, and I pray that God will bring someone else in Estie's life that will speak the word of truth to her. 

Vast.

"How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and am still with you." {Psalm 139:17-18}

This verse basically describes how I have been feeling the past few weeks. God is SO big. He has so much that He wants to share with me and grow me in. I was reading 1 Corinthians the other day and was overwhelmed by how much was in just one chapter. I know that I've experienced this before and I hear all the time about how "every time I read a verse in the Bible I get something new out of it", but these past few weeks have been CRAZY. And it's funny because whenever God wants me to see something He follows me around with it. For example, I was reading Philippians with Sharay on the last day I was visiting her, and so many new things stuck out to me that never had before. And it is sooo applicable for what I am about to do this summer. "Not that I am speaking out of need, for I have learned in WHATEVER situation I am to be CONTENT. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." I have heard this passage countless times, but this time it stuck me differently. It does not matter what you are going through- whether hungry or have a full stomach. It matters about who you are placing your TRUST in....is it in Jesus or is it in that food? So convicting! I just thank the Lord that He is opening my eyes to things more and more each day! I mean, He's got a vast amount of thoughts right? He never runs dry. He is the wellspring!

"Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"      {Psalm 139: 23-24}

 It makes sense that God, having vast thoughts, would know my thoughts. This is quite...well...not scary, but maybe...checking? God knows my thoughts. Hmmmm...how many thoughts do I have that are definitely NOT glorifying to His name? The verse above is my prayer though...that He would see in me any grievous way and that He would correct me and LEAD me on the righteous path!! I thank God that He does lead us! He doesn't just let us wallow in our "grievous way", but He hedges up a way that leads us to be more like Him. It's not just one-sided however. We have to move our feet too....

I can't believe it's already almost been a month since school got out....just a reminder of DON'T WASTE YOUR LIFE!! I can't take for grantid the vast sum of God's thought....I need to make them precious in my life and live them out, on God's strength.
God bless :)

Seek.

"I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure." [Psalms 16:8–9] 

Question: why is it so difficult for me to allow God to be first place in my life? It's not like anything I've ever tried to put in His rightful spot has ever satisfied me, yet I'm still sitting here attempting to shove things before Him in my life in attempts to fill me up. It's a perplexing issue because whenever He is first, my heart IS glad and my whole being DOES rejoice (as the verse says above). I feel secure in the fact that I will never be shaken with Him. Whenever I place relationships, guys, vanity, material items or what-have-you before Him it is in that time I feel the most insecure. I find myself judging the people around me and judging myself even more severely. WHY?? So frustrating. I suppose prayer would be a good place to start in allowing Him to be where He should in my life. I need to remember that it's not me who I should be concerned about, but Christ. IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!! I feel like that could never be beaten into my brain enough. It's not only about how I feel whenever I put God first, but I should do it because HE DESERVES IT. He has bought me...I'm not my own anymore. My rightful response to Him should be total submission to Him; anything else would be inappropriate.

"For what we proclaim is not of ourselves, but JESUS CHRIST as LORD, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies."    [2 Corinthians 4:5-10]

I've read this so many times, but it has been burning on my mind today in a new way. First of all...a little bit of what I have already said: we don't proclaim ourselves! We proclaim CHRIST because He is worth it!! Also, for me it is so easy to think that the "light" that the Bible talks about in reference to Christians (such as "you are the light of the world") is just coming from inside of who I am. It is so easy to forget that it is GOD who makes your light shine in the first place! It's not about how good I am or what I did for God today...it's a never ending light that comes naturally because the Holy Spirit dwells in me. That was kind of a side note, but it just struck me how it says God has shown in our hearts. He is the one who is doing all the shining. 

My Bible commentary says this super cheesy line, but it is so true. "Paul reminds us that though we may think we are at the end of the rope, we are never at the end of our hope." God never leaves us...even if we think we are "too far gone". There is always hope because Christ has beaten death and sin! I love the contrast in the verse: afflicted in every way, but not crushed. Persecuted, but not forsaken. Here on earth, I will always struggle with my flesh and wanting to go back to my earthly way in sin. On earth I am also not above suffering, but Christ never leaves! He is always there by my side. He is my strength. In Him I find my hope even if there is no other "silver lining" in sight (as if we needed anything else...).

Oh that Jesus might be made clear in my life! The last part of that verse is super amazing. We carry around the message of Jesus' DEATH so that we can show His LIFE to all around us! I fall terribly short of that, but I pray that I conform more and more to HIS true image and His life daily. He deserves it.