Seek.

"I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure." [Psalms 16:8–9] 

Question: why is it so difficult for me to allow God to be first place in my life? It's not like anything I've ever tried to put in His rightful spot has ever satisfied me, yet I'm still sitting here attempting to shove things before Him in my life in attempts to fill me up. It's a perplexing issue because whenever He is first, my heart IS glad and my whole being DOES rejoice (as the verse says above). I feel secure in the fact that I will never be shaken with Him. Whenever I place relationships, guys, vanity, material items or what-have-you before Him it is in that time I feel the most insecure. I find myself judging the people around me and judging myself even more severely. WHY?? So frustrating. I suppose prayer would be a good place to start in allowing Him to be where He should in my life. I need to remember that it's not me who I should be concerned about, but Christ. IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!! I feel like that could never be beaten into my brain enough. It's not only about how I feel whenever I put God first, but I should do it because HE DESERVES IT. He has bought me...I'm not my own anymore. My rightful response to Him should be total submission to Him; anything else would be inappropriate.

"For what we proclaim is not of ourselves, but JESUS CHRIST as LORD, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies."    [2 Corinthians 4:5-10]

I've read this so many times, but it has been burning on my mind today in a new way. First of all...a little bit of what I have already said: we don't proclaim ourselves! We proclaim CHRIST because He is worth it!! Also, for me it is so easy to think that the "light" that the Bible talks about in reference to Christians (such as "you are the light of the world") is just coming from inside of who I am. It is so easy to forget that it is GOD who makes your light shine in the first place! It's not about how good I am or what I did for God today...it's a never ending light that comes naturally because the Holy Spirit dwells in me. That was kind of a side note, but it just struck me how it says God has shown in our hearts. He is the one who is doing all the shining. 

My Bible commentary says this super cheesy line, but it is so true. "Paul reminds us that though we may think we are at the end of the rope, we are never at the end of our hope." God never leaves us...even if we think we are "too far gone". There is always hope because Christ has beaten death and sin! I love the contrast in the verse: afflicted in every way, but not crushed. Persecuted, but not forsaken. Here on earth, I will always struggle with my flesh and wanting to go back to my earthly way in sin. On earth I am also not above suffering, but Christ never leaves! He is always there by my side. He is my strength. In Him I find my hope even if there is no other "silver lining" in sight (as if we needed anything else...).

Oh that Jesus might be made clear in my life! The last part of that verse is super amazing. We carry around the message of Jesus' DEATH so that we can show His LIFE to all around us! I fall terribly short of that, but I pray that I conform more and more to HIS true image and His life daily. He deserves it.